What’s the sexiest Nintendo console ever? – Characteristic
During its many years of activity as a video game producer and platform holder, Nintendo has created some of the most desirable objects in video game history. The company is renowned for creating digital novelties to delight gamers of all ages, but it is also capable of creating stunningly beautiful hardware when its talented engineering and design teams get down to it.
Not everyone is an evergreen beauty, of course – it might take a new iteration on the original design, or a particularly eye-catching color variant to really get the pulse going – but Team Nintendo Life has thrown in a nostalgic eye on our collective pool console (and spying on the collections of a few others on the interwebs) and has produced the following list of the finest Nintendo hardware for your consideration.
We do not take into account the software libraries of the respective systems here, although these alone are enough to weaken any self-respecting player. No, we’re focusing on the pure animal magnetism of the hardware itself: the console and the controller. Forget the personality – today we are going alone on the skin-deep looks.
There is a poll at the end so you can vote for the sexiest Nintendo console on the shortlist we’ve gathered, and don’t hesitate to let us know about other consoles (Nintendo or otherwise) that inspire lewd thoughts and languid hours browsing the auction sites in the comments.
Before that, however, grab a fan and get ready to sweat as we bring you in, in no particular order, the eight sexiest Nintendo systems of all time. They are all really really really ridiculously beautiful…
Game Boy Micro (all)
We called this little beauty “the sexiest, least practical Game Boy ever,” and we stick with that. Make no mistake – when it comes to playing games, we tend to go for the convenience of larger handhelds these days (the size of an original DMG-001 still feels fantastic in the hands).
No, in terms of the actual use of the thing, this latest iteration of the Game Boy Advance line isn’t much better for playing text-rich titles than Sega’s recent keychain pendant, the Game Gear Micro.
To hell with practicality! The Game Boy Micro – in all its forms, not just the anniversary edition pictured above – is a gorgeous (and incredibly expensive) kit. It only exists to earn your love and respect; to be rocked, caressed and worshiped.
Not played. You’re angry?! For the love of Zeus, never to play the thing.
Sexiest feature? Where to start? The super small facades? Those little ‘b’ and ‘a’ buttons that do good? Let’s go with the small screen which works wonders thanks to its increased pixel density.
Wonderful until you want to read anything, of course.
Game Boy Advance SP (all)
The first version of the Game Boy Advance wasn’t bad. The horizontal layout was more comfortable than the vertical layout Nintendo had chosen for the original Game Boy, but you needed the light of a thousand suns (okay, a slight exaggeration – just the only sun) to see the screen. The Game Boy Advance SP addressed this issue with the addition of a backlight (technically a front light, unless we’re talking about the updated version AGS-101 with the improved backlit screen) and its clamshell design made it smaller, with the added benefit of protecting the screen when it’s in your pocket.
We could have chosen the NES edition, or the Pikachu Yellow, or any number of special editions, but other than personal preference every GBA SP is a beauty.
Sexiest feature? The clamshell design – there’s just something about a folding gadget.
New Nintendo 3DS XL (SNES Edition)
When it comes to the 3DS family of systems, there is no shortage of variants. Add in the different 2DS versions and a plethora of special editions and you will be spoiled for choice when it comes to fabulous handhelds.
If we had to pick one, it would probably be the Super Nintendo Entertainment System edition of the new 3DS XL. It’s not only colored pimples on the face; the new standard 3DS with facades had them too. It’s the care and attention that has gone into other aspects of this wearable tribute. Things like the subtle gray accents on the bezel, stylus, and peripheral buttons, and the thoughtful recreation of the SNES look on the cover and back. In fact, the only thing that could improve it is that the red “LED” printed on the top is actually an LED.
When it comes to NA vs. EU / JP, we Europeans are a bit biased (more on this later). But whatever your preference, but they’re both great, very beautiful systems.
One is just more beautiful.
Sexiest feature? Buttons, probably.
GameCube (Spicy Orange)
Two decades ago, when the average teenage gamer had to choose between the PlayStation 2 and the colorful GameCube, Sony’s ultra-sleek styling stole the hearts and minds of millions of embarrassed teens who had previously been children of Nintendo through and through. Still, looking at both consoles today, we’d say it’s Nintendo’s stuffbox that has stood the test of time aesthetically.
This little console has such personality and courage – truly quite a feat of design for what is essentially a box with a handle attached. A clean and neat example of any color variation is a thing of beauty.
Maybe the fact that we’ve never had the Orange Spice version in the West gives this one a special appeal, though. Not less than five members of the NL team were forced to hunt down this charming creature on their own. Throw a copy of F-Zero GX and a WaveBird and you have a Saturday night.
Sexiest feature? How more orange could that be? Nothing. No more orange. Oh, and the grip is awesome – always has been. It gives you something to hold on to, doesn’t it? [Steady! – Ed]
As if the GameCube Spice Orange only in Japan was not enough, the Panasonic Q made us consider imports in 2001/2. This special version of the Panasonic-branded GameCube had the ability to play DVDs through its full-size front-loading tray. It might not sound like anything these days, but it’s hard to overstate how hot DVDs were around the turn of the millennium; The PS2’s dual function as a DVD player has been a major factor in keeping Sony’s console ahead of the competition. The Panasonic Q also sports a stainless steel housing, mirror polished front panel, and a fancy LCD display with a blue backlight, the most sensual of the backlight colors.
Unfortunately, it sold poorly and nowadays a clean specimen will cost you money at the auction site of your choice, although there are always some great deals if you are patient. It would probably be a disappointment in the flesh anyway, but the idea du Q still allows us to continue a few decades later (meaning it requires us to browse eBay once a fortnight to verify that, yes, the prices are always astronomical).
Sexiest feature? It is difficult to pin down a single thing. Let’s go with the incredibly non-Nintendo mirror front.
Nintendo DS Lite (all)
Nintendo DS Lite is arguably Nintendo’s most dramatic leap forward in just one hardware overhaul. The initial DS was a big ape, more a proof of concept showcase than a final piece of retail hardware. The arrival of the DS Lite in 2006 was the catalyst that turned the system into the demographic juggernaut it has become.
There really is no “wrong” color in the bundle. We’ve always been quite fond of Lime Kiwi Green, ourselves.
Honestly, the Lite didn’t have to do much to be smaller, sleeker, and infinitely sexier than the original, and we say that as people with fond memories of the ‘Phat’ DS, like it is known colloquially. Perhaps, however, the Lite’s perfection was only possible thanks to its unsightly ancestor. The DS Lite was the switch to the original Wii U … maybe.
Sexiest feature? The contrast between the glossy finish on the outside and the matte finish on the inside was, as we say in this area, “a little okay”.
Opinion among Nintendo Life staff is divided along territorial lines when it comes to which version of Super Nintendo looks better.
While recognizing the sultry sophistication of the Super Famicom and its nearly identical European cousin, our minority American contingent had a soft spot for the redesigned North American version, with its purple highlights and lilac “X” and “Y” concave buttons. Conversely, no European on the team would go to bat for the boxy NA version, certainly not against the curves and class of the EU console.
The European majority can totally appreciate the nostalgic attachment to the console of his youth – and those concave knobs are pretty awesome, we grant you – but when it comes to choosing between the two, we’ll just have to agree to disagree and hope that it will never come to a vote.
Speaking for the NL “a lot” versus “a few,” the Super Famicom is just as reliable and solid as the North American version, but also flirtatious with its pops of color and smooth curves. This is business and pleasure in a subtle and almost perfect packaging.
Sexiest feature? Oh, let’s be diplomatic and go for colored or concave buttons, depending on your region.
Wii (any, except the ‘Mini’)
And finally, we come to the brave Wii. Famous with just three stacked DVD cases, this shiny little wonder was a breath of fresh air in a staid gaming landscape filled with stunning towering boxes. The silver-gray stand propped up the original at a casual angle in “vertical mode” and it sat unassumingly next to your TV, just wanting to have fun.
The delicate wire that runs from the sensor bar to the console is the most unsightly thing about the pretty console and we have fond memories of walking down the stairs in the morning and being greeted by its little blue light that recedes.
The Wii is a cute console in any shade, and it knows how to have a good time. There’s a lot to be said for a new system that looks great perched next to the TV; the one you don’t need to house in a brand new entertainment center.
Sexiest feature? The blue light emanating from the plateless drive when it sucks a disc. If only these discs had the curved edges of the games of its successor … * bites the lip *
Can an inanimate object be “sexy”? Yes, of course it is possible. Silly question!
Let us know below which of the beautiful specimens above rushed you for a cold shower. And, of course, feel free to share your personal preferences when it comes to quality material, including your favorite Special Edition variations – there are definitely enough of them! We’re off to eBay to hunt down one of those anniversary red Wiis …